I received a reply on my Tumblr blog post ‘Being a Housewife Isn’t a Job, It’s an Act of Love’, which I also posted on this blog here. I enjoyed the reply so much I wanted to share it and respond to it:
schoolgirlerror replied:
Hmm.. you don't have any babies so of course it isn't a job... women with babies don't get to take a break, of course it's work. Why try to make it sound easy when being a full time housewife (usually includes looking after kids) is obviously hard work even if it's out of love.. at an actual job you get breaks, full time mums don't get a break during the day
I must first say thanks to SchoolGirlError for giving me something to chuckle about during my morning housework tasks!
I appreciate that she isn’t a mother and most likely not married; in fact, from looking at her Tumblr blog I’m probably old enough to be her mother. I find it amusing that she is white knighting for mothers, probably because, as she assumes, full-time moms don’t get a break during the day.
Now, if that was the case, that moms who are burdened with babies and children don’t have time for a break, how is it that there are social media groups for moms where they post pictures of their kids and also complain about their kids and/or husbands/boyfriends?
When else do full-time moms have time to drink wine, except when they’re taking a break?
Do moms not get a break when they hire babysitters, or drop the kid(s) with relatives, or when school is in session?
Not only that, I follow moms on social media who have time to complain about their problems, which tells me they have time for breaks, but instead of resting they choose to spend their downtime complaining.
Honestly, SchoolGirlError’s argument is so full of humorous errors I can’t help but point them out because, well, I’m not a mom who doesn’t have time for breaks, my house is clean, and I have some time to write. So, let’s go!
What Is a Housewife?
Now, according to Google, housewife means ‘a woman whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework, while her husband or partner goes out to work.’
I have run across the assumption from other haters that a housewife is a mom, but that is an incorrect assumption that has been programmed into people; it’s also an incorrect assumption that a mom is a wife since there are many mothers in the world who are not married.
A housewife is a housewife and a mom is a mom, and to assume one is the other is an assumption that makes an ass out of the person who assumes it.
A housewife stays at home and takes care of her family -- no matter the size of the family -- while the husband works, and that is my home dynamic: my husband goes to work while I stay home doing housework and managing household affairs.
While we may only be a family of two, that doesn’t mean we're not a family; nor does it excuse me from doing housework to ensure my husband has clean clothes for work every day, and that I have dinner and his lunches made for him, and that I provide him with a clean house to relax in during the few hours a day he is home with me instead of working hard at his job.
What is Hard Work?
I have had many jobs in my life, from blue collar to white collar, and I speak from decades of experience when I say that being a housewife in the comfort of my home is not hard work.
Even though I sweat while doing housework and labor with love to care for my home, it is not hard work compared to jobs I've had in the past or other jobs I've never had, such as being a tradesman who builds houses, doing road work in the hot sun, or any labor-intensive job that can result in having hernia surgery.
Caring for a home and family is work, yes, but it is not a job to me and it is not hard work compared to many jobs that men do for a living.
However, I wouldn’t expect anyone who is so young that they either haven’t worked for a living or spent time as a dedicated housewife to understand and appreciate the difference between hard work and easy work.
I don’t have to chop wood to make sure there is heat in the house, nor do I have to get the stove fire going to cook a meal; I don’t have to carry buckets of water from the well every day so there is water in the house; and I don’t have to wash laundry by hand or hang it out to dry.
Being a housewife in the United States in the 21st Century is a piece of cake compared to what housewives did once upon a time, and what some housewives still have to do in other countries, which is why I think that doing housework is easy work -- even without a dishwasher!
I also think it’s an insult to people who work at jobs to make it sound like staying home all day, whether with kids or with pets, is anywhere near close to being employed at a job, especially a job that requires manual labor and puts a person's health at risk.
In fact, Bill Burr has some great words on the subject that offer a dose of reality about people who work hard for a living compared to women who get to spend all day with their kids. Maybe that’s why men don’t mind staying home with the kids when women want to go to work -- men know how easy staying home is compared to hard work!
What is it Like to Not Have Kids?
Since women love to hate on me for not having kids, I have to say they make awful arguments that lead me to think I made a good choice in not being a mom.
If having kids is such hard work, as SchoolGirlError assumes it is when she doesn’t speak from experience, color me happy for not having kids!
I’ve known mothers who make motherhood look and sound easy, but maybe it’s because they wanted motherhood and they didn’t accidentally get pregnant without wanting to be a mother.
Just like I want to be a housewife; it’s not forced on me without a choice; I chose to be a housewife and I’m happy in my choice. If a mother is unhappy in her choice of being a mom, that can’t make it easy, but that's not my fault so don't hate on me because of it.
Mothers and their white knights love to hate on me as if I'm the one who put them in their situation, when all I am is glad to have found what makes me happy -- being a childless housewife!
I suspect the unhappy women hate on me rather than share in my joy because they are jealous that I chose a different path which has made all the difference in my life.
That is why I put my voice out there, to let women, and girls, know that it’s okay to not be a mom. I’m not saying women can’t be moms since that seems to be the status quo and accepted practice, but that doesn’t mean it’s what all women want just because some women want it -- and some women want it but can't have it due to medical reasons beyond their control.
If anyone had told me as a young girl how wonderful being a childless housewife is, I might not have waited until I was 40 to become one.
So, the haters can hate on me all they want for thinking different and being different; it won't change my position that what I do isn't a job nor hard work, but an act of love for the man I love and the cats we love too.
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