Q: What do I do if I feel like I’m failing as a housewife?
A: Talk to my husband about it!
I.
One of the best things about having a husband is having a permanent partner who loves me and wants me to feel good about myself.
I don’t believe that a husband would want his wife to feel like she’s failing in her role as a housewife, and a good husband (in my book) would want to know if his wife had those feelings.
If my husband felt like he was failing I would want him to talk to me about it, and I would feel hurt if he talked to others about it before coming to me; that’s why I am his partner -- so he has someone to talk to and help him.
I actually consider talking to strangers about personal or emotional problems as a form of cheating when one is married; to open oneself up emotionally to a stranger can be more intimate than opening one’s legs or pants.
Talking to a trusted friend is one thing, so is talking to a professional therapist which is often better because they are trained with tools to help, but talking to strangers online is different.
Opening up to a stranger about a personal or emotional problem is a slippery slope and something I’ve learned to avoid from past experiences; not only does it drain me of mental energy, but it doesn’t build me up in a positive way, and for all I know it's a man pretending to be a woman.
To not talk to one’s husband about emotional problems is denying a husband the opportunity to help his wife; if a husband doesn’t see it that way, maybe he needs to learn his role as a good husband; and if a wife doesn’t listen to her husband’s feedback, she’s denying herself the opportunity to grow and change for the better.
II.
Being a housewife isn’t about making other women happy or having a bunch of followers to validate oneself as a housewife; it’s about making the husband and other people in the home happy, within reason of course.
If a husband wants to beat his wife to make himself happy, that’s not reasonable or healthy; but if a husband wants his wife to make the house a nice place to come home to after a long day of work, that’s not unreasonable.
Being a housewife has learning curves, just like anything else in life, and communication with one’s husband can help with overcoming the challenges.
It also helps to not compare oneself to others, and sometimes it helps to not follow social media accounts that project false ideals of what a housewife is supposed to be, as if a housewife is a failure if she doesn’t mimic what she sees online.
I don’t think I’m failing as a housewife because I’m not submissive or don’t wear dresses or cook all day or live up to someone else’s idea of what I’m supposed to be as a housewife; even if it is seen as failing in the eyes of the Submissive Housewives' Club I don’t see it that way and neither does my husband, and his eyes are the only eyes I’m interested in pleasing.
When it comes to doing housework, I often put more pressure on myself to take care of the house, and my husband is the one who tells me it’s okay to sleep late if I want or to do something another day if I don’t get it done.
I’ve learned to tell myself that the house isn’t going anywhere, and neither am I, and every day is another day to get housework done to make home better.
III.
One thing that makes me never feel like I’m failing is my daily housework diary; when I see in writing what I get done each day, it makes me feel good about myself, and so does seeing the results of my clean orderly home at the end of the day.
My housework diary helps me realize how far I’ve come in my housework tasks compared to when I first started keeping a diary; it also helps me plan what to do each day so I can focus on those goals to make our home the best it can be.
I've learned that my home is at its best when I put my home first by doing housework first and going online later in the day so that I’m not distracted or brought down by problems beyond my control.
I'm not putting my needs last when I put my home first, because taking care of my home is what I need to do. The things I want to do will still be there when I'm done with my housework, only I'll have a clean home to enjoy while I relax and that always feels good.
Keep in mind, I wasn’t always diligent about housework since working outside the home was what I was trained to do; but I didn’t become a court reporter overnight nor a happy housewife, both took patience, persistence, perspective, and practice.
It took an adjustment in my perspective to understand the importance of my role as a housewife.
It also took a lot of time to build up to everything I do now; that’s where patience, persistence, and practice comes into play.
Starting is the most important step though, and every day is another day to start again with a better perspective.
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